Counter-intuitive approach to erection recovery (involving sharks)

Focus on the Solution - not the Problem

I’m currently reading ‘It’s not about the shark: the simple path from problem to answer’ by Dr. David Niven.

He sums up studies and anecdotes demonstrating counter-intuitive ways to solve complex problems.

The crux so far seems to be this : Move your attention and energy away from the problem… instead think about the solution, specifically, what the vision you want to achieve looks like and feels like.

And like everything I read, I relate it back to erection recovery after prostate surgery (yes, my brain is an interesting place to live).

Case Study: Spielberg’s film, Jaws

In the beginning stages of the filming process, Steven was sweating bullets over spending the film’s entire budget on building a mechanical shark.

No matter how much money they threw at it, the thing was more like a giant marshmallow than a haunting sea beast.

Focusing on fixing the shark by pouring more and more money into the physicality of the beast was not leading to any better footage to wow and shock the audience - which is the ultimate aim.

The solution only came to Spielberg when he stopped looking at fixing the shark and turned his attention to what he was trying to achieve - a stellar thriller - he asked himself instead:

‘what would Hitchcock, the master of the Thriller, do in this situation?’

That’s when he had a light bulb moment. Take it all back to the base essentials - the psychological experience he wanted to created.

They got rid of the shark and replaced it with John Williams’ ripper musical score and murky underwater camera shots.

What the audience couldn’t see and had to use their minds to imagine was more terrifying than anything Spielberg could create.

What has this got to do with what lies beneath your jocks?

I see a lot of clients 100% focused on the physical problem:

‘I cannot get an erection, I cannot get an erection’.

They tell me about all the money and time they have poured into the problem, and how this has only stressed them out further, with the spotlight firmly placed on the lack of what they want.

This neglects the solution, the place we need to put the focus.

The solution is the experience of having an erection, whatever that means to the individual.

The feeling of confidence, pleasure (both receiving and giving), joy, passion, connection, drive.

Let’s focus on Pleasure - when we dig deep this is usually why my clients want the erection back.

How to focus on Pleasure

Pleasure, like pain, is an experience that begins and is controlled by the mind.

Pleasure is also not just the end result of an erection - but the beginning of one.

Becoming aroused, feeling ‘turned on’, stress-free, and in a pleasure-experiencing state (more precisely, the parasympathetic nervous system) is the key ingredient every spontaneous erection requires.

Sure, the erection also needs those nerves surrounding the prostate to be ‘on’ too, but without pleasure and relaxation, the nerves will not fire.

Now don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely mechanical activity that helps an erection along too, and it’s a challenging idea to get the problem out of your mind altogether. Also - of course, you want your erections back - I am in no way saying you don’t.

But perhaps another way to get there is to move from thinking about ‘no erections’ to thinking about getting pleasure/confidence/mojo back.

Are your questions shining your spotlight on the problem, or could you ask a better question to focus on the solution?